Finding yourself is a journey of challenging yourself and making yourself feel uncomfortable so we can find our loves, likes, and dislikes. A journey to see what all we can do and be. In Jen Sincero’s word’s “I just want to see what I can get away with.”
I’m currently on the journey of finding myself. It’s been fun, challenging, and harder then I thought. A lot of things seem easier said then done. I’ve been reading a lot of books that have helped tremendously and have changed my whole perception on how I see myself and others. I’ve been using these things I’ve learned in my day to day life. Which everything that I’ve read, watched, and listened to all sums up to loving yourself. Love yourself, believe in yourself, and trust yourself and you’ll be happy and fulfilled. Sounds super corny right? That’s because it is, but it’s so true. If everyone loved themselves then no one would be taking their shit out on themselves, other people, or our animal friends. Loving yourself is one of those things that seems so easy, but yet it’s one of those things that we just don’t allow ourselves to do. For some of us it’s like we’re trying as hard as we can not to love ourselves because we don’t think we deserve it, or we need to punish ourselves for something we’ve done and we can’t forgive ourselves.
For everything I’ve read, watched, and listened too, they all tell you the basic things you have do to find yourself and love yourself. Some give you a couple of tools to use when you have a bad day, but what none of them tell you is that those tools won’t always work, and those bad days can sometimes turn into a bad week or a bad month, but I’ve learn that that’s ok. Life is suppose to be messy and a series of highs and lows. A big part of figuring out who you are is through the pain because with out it you wouldn’t know or appreciate the good.
If your on the journey to finding yourself and/or loving yourself know that it’s completely ok and normal to have more then one bad day, week, or month. It’s also completely ok to freak out every once in while. Feel the anger, sadness, and/or frustration, just make sure that your thinking of solutions to your situation too. It can be very easy to throw ourselves a pity party and make ourselves the victim. Once you go down that rabbit hole it’s hard to see the light in the tunnel. It’s easy to be negative, but having a negative mind doesn’t equal a positive life or the life you want. Happiness takes work, but it’s completely worth it.
I’ll be posting a how to find yourself blog post later this month, this was just some thoughts I felt like sharing with you.
I started to see these type of post a lot lately so I thought I’d share with you The type of things I’ve learned. I tried to make my different and not have the same answers that everyone has. If you like this post give it a like.
- Things are never as bad as they seem- We always make situations seem worse then what they really are in our heads. There’s no reason too. Next time you feel overwhelmed or your about to freak out just ask yourself, “Is this really going to matter five years from now?” Most likely not, so just breathe and you’ll get through it.
- Feel the fear and do it anyway- I love this quote. A lot of us have a fear of something, which is completely ok as long as we don’t allow it to control our lives. If there’s something you want to do, but your afraid because you could fail or your going to be judged for it, I say go for it. Tell the voices in your head that are telling you you’re not good enough, people are going to judge you, your going to fail, or whatever it may be to shut up and just dive into it head first. We regret the things we didn’t do over the things we did do. So feel the fear and do it anyway.
- Confidence is the sexiest thing- You’ve probably have heard this before. Knowing who you are and what you want is the sexiest thing. Insecurity tends to have a stench. I’m saying this metaphorically of course, but you can tell who has confidence by just the way then stand. They stand up straight with their head up and there presents just feels different. You also tend to respect the person with confidence over the person who is insecure and doesn’t respect themselves.
- You are always stronger then you think you are- They say if you want to make god laugh tell him your plans. Basically meaning things will never go as planned and sometimes things happen that will put you on your ass. I’ve learned that god and the universe never give you anything you can’t handle. Everything that happens to you is to build character and make you a stronger person.
- No one control your feels or thoughts- How people act towards you or what they say to you can’t effect you unless you allow it to. The most meanest comments are the ones that stick to us. People can only hurt us if we give them the power to. What we think of ourselves is the only thing that matters. So love yourself.
- The people you surround yourself with are the mirrors of what you think of yourself- Who we surround ourselves with are the people that have the same traits as we do. They can be traits we love about ourselves and they can be traits that we’re not so proud of. What we believe about ourselves is our reality, and since its our reality then that’s the type of energy we’ve going to attract. If you don’t think highly of yourself then your going to attract people that don’t think highly of you either or/and treat you like crap. I’m going to say it again love yourself because your life depends on it.
- Forgive- You have to forgive other people not for them, but for yourself. I’m sure you’ve heard this before, but it’s very true. Just because you forgive the person doesn’t mean you have to be close to them and be all buddy buddy, it just means you’ll release the weight you’re carrying. Carrying around anger and hatred are so heavy and its so toxic for you too.
- Forgive yourself- One of the keys to finding and loving yourself is to forgive yourself. We are our biggest critic and worst enemy. We need to learn how to forgive ourselves because we’ve made mistakes and it’s definitely not the first time and it certainly won’t be the last time either. We’re human and we make mistakes and the only way we learn and grow is by messing up. Forgive yourself.
- Always be the student- Never stop learning especially if its things you think you know. We can all learn a lot from people, animals, and ourselves. Thinking we know everything is the biggest disservice we can do to ourselves.
- Be kind to people you never know what people are going through- First I just want to say there’s no reason to be an asshole to people. I don’t care how insecure you feel about yourself, or how stressed you are, or how bad of a day your having, there’s no good reason for it. It might make you feel good for a second, but you need to look inside yourself and fix whatever you’ve got going. Now with that said whether its a stranger or so one you know you don’t know what that person is thinking or what kind of day their having, so be kind and smile at people.
- You are not better then anyone- People thinking their better then other people is my biggest pet peeve. I don’t care how you were raised, how much money you do or don’t have, or what type of education you do or don’t have. People might be better at certain things then other people, but that doesn’t mean that the other person doesn’t have other traits that the other person doesn’t. We’re all equal we just learned different things in our lives because we’ve taken different paths and that’s completely ok. The comment I’m starting to hear a lot lately that people are saying to win an argument and it just makes them sound so ignorant is, “I have a masters degree and you probably didn’t even graduate high school.” Yes you may have a college degree, but what college didn’t teach you is street smarts or how to not be an ignorant asshole. My point is no one is better then anyone
- What people say about you is none of your business- I know that’s kind of hard to understand, but what people say about you is either something they see in themselves they don’t like but they don’t want to admit it, or something there scared of becoming. It can also be pointing out something about you to their friends, so then the focus is on you and not them. What people say about you is none of your business because there just projecting their junk and insecurities on to you.
- Do you want to be happy or do you want to be right?- When I first heard this it was like I had a light turn on in my head and I thought “Oh wow it is that simple.” This applies for every conversation/argument you have. It’s like the saying,” pick your battles.” When you are mad at someone or you think you’re right and their wrong ask yourself, “Do I want to be right or do I want to be happy?” Being right doesn’t bring happiness.
- Do better then yesterday- This one helps me out a lot when I’m feeling down and not myself. If you had a bad or your behind in getting things done, all you have to think is today is going to better then yesterday, or today I did more things then yesterday.
- A negative mind set doesn’t result in a positive life- Thinking negative can be really easy and it can suck you in and not spit you out, especially if your feeling crappy about yourself and your life. Though it’s easy to be in that state of mind it’s not going to better your life and it’ll be harder and harder to see the positive. If you want good things to happen to you, then you have to think more positively about yourself and your life. Remember you are what you attract.
- There’s no such thing as normal or perfect- With everyone posting these perfectly curated pictures on social media it’s hard not to admire them or even feel some jealousy. Just remember those people have problems too. Their just pictures that have gone threw several editing apps and they had to stand a certain way to they look taller, skinnier, more muscle, or to have a bigger butt.
- The more you protect yourself, the more you end up hurting yourself- I used to be extremely guilty of this. I tend to be a very private person and I’ve had people hurt me in the past that made build a huge wall when it came to people. You should be a little cautious of people, if you don’t allow yourself to like, love, and have fun because your scared of what COULD happen then your not living.
- Make sure at the end of the day your happy-At the end of the day you’re going to bed with yourself, so make sure that you can sleep soundly with yourself.
- Trust your instincts- If something doesn’t feel like or you feel like you can’t trust someone but you can’t pin point it yet, that’s your instincts telling you don’t do it or don’t trust the person. As humans we’re the only species that ignore our gut feeling, which was designed to keep use safe. Animals trust theirs that’s how they stay safe, but for some reason we do everything we can to ignore our instincts.
- Not everyone is going to like you- This once fits the theme of everything I have learned, which is love yourself and don’t give one fuck about what people think about you. Not everyone’s going to like and if you put all your value on what people think of your just going to have a full blown identity crisis as soon as that person changes their mind.
Those are just some of the things I’ve learn in my 20’s. I have some more if you want a second one just tell me and I can write another one. If you have any lessons you want to share comment them below.